Back from England. And it was quality except for the weather. They should do something about that really. But you can't have everything.

The conference was very good. Some very brilliant people spoke. One about Jesus, another about mission, and another about the importance of community. But the thing was, was that they all loved Jesus, that was very clear. They didn 't just talk about him, they knew him. I think most of the people there knew and loved Jesus. And that was really cool. I was challenged by their commitment to knowing God and seeking his presence daily.

It was like God reiterated to me just how desperate he is to reveal himself to people. And if God is desperate to reveal himself, the only thing that will stop him is us, ourselves. By not being willing to let him reveal himself through us. A God desperate is something to ponder. In me it builds faith. Even when it seems like God is absent, if we keep seeking him, he will not be long in showing himself. Because it's in his character to want to be known. And so when we as people desire to know him and have him reveal who he is, then we can be sure that he will.

Just what that looks like though is the part that may suprise you and me.

sin luna 

la luna 

The Card

Check it out. I am legal. Well I suppose I was legal before, but now I am even more legal. Almost legalísimo. The Spanish tack on ísimo when they want to say that something is really really whatever it is. So I have my residency card. Yay.

As you can see, I whited out some crucial bits of information so I wouldn't suffer from identity theft. If you are an expert at these things please let me know if there is something else I should do to prevent someone using myself. I prefer not to be used. The foto was taken last spring, so that's a bit out of date. I suppose my signature is up for grabs now, here on the internet.

I am off to England in two days. Will then be there for five days. Should be good fun. And I am glad to have this here card so they will let me back into Spain. I prefer not to be held in customs for a week while they sort things out. I would say the Spanish are generally good at letting people through their borders without hastle and questions, but I am scared of what might happen if I do that.

Okay, well I will be back here post England then... Adios.

I am official. 

What's in your head..?

Some random bits of information that sometimes runs through my head that if you aren't interested in please skip to the next blog...

I realized that I like to be organized and like to organize. The other day I moved my room around (and cleaned it) and I really like the new setup. The bed is not in the middle, its on the side now, and I have loads of room in the middle now. There now you know. Then yesterday I reorganized the office beside my room. I found a genius place for the two bookshelves and it really opened up the room. I must confess that I got a small buzz off that whole ordeal.

Now for slightly less sad thoughts.

I have a new profile. I figured since I change, then my profile should change with me. So I deleted some stuff and rewrote a bit and added one book to my list of favs. I downsized a bit. Simplifying is something I am liking more and more. I try and not accumulate stuff now. There are really only a few things I accumulate without ever really trying to downsize occasionally. They would be music, books and vocabulary. Even something like money, I hope that if I had an excess I would decide to share some. Heck maybe even share some even if I didn't have an excess. After a while I sort my clothes and get rid of a bunch. With pens I do the same. Even pictures are sorted and downsized at times. But the day I have an excess of music and books I'll just open a library. And one can never have too much vocabulary.

Some would argue that those weren't any less sad thoughts...

If I could choose my ideal mix of writers that I would like to imitate it would be, first and foremost CS Lewis for his amazing way of seeing and then explaining things. Then Dostoyevski for his way of portraying his characters and well and truly human. I would like to have Tolkien's imagination and granduer. Then Buechner for his love of the truth. A combo of David James Duncan and Donald Miller for their sense of humo(u)r. John Irving for his devastating storytelling. And kudos to Phillip Yancey for how he writes about any subject, whether on or off limits.

In case you missed it, please see the connection between my title and the Cranberry's song Zombie... And I know its poor when you have to point out things like that...

Clean air.

No cups of Spanish coffee have been given out, and I have resigned myself to the loss of my recent smoking thoughts... I'll deal, and while I am dealing, England will be as well. Today on the news I saw something about smoking being banned from pubs. It's spreading...

And again. 

And again... 

I feel all should be able to enjoy my "nephew" and "niece"... 

Another Monday but...

Today was the best Monday I have had in a while. I don't think I felt the normal blueness once. I will now try to rationally disect this phenomenon.

1. It was foggy this morning. I like foggy mornings almost as much as sunny ones.
2. It was not a cold fog. A warm fog is better than a cold fog.
3. It got sunny by lunchtime.
4. That led to 65 degrees, easy.
5. 65 degrees in February is worth is weight in gold.
6. Can you weigh degrees?
7. I accomplished things. I learned that el arrecife means coral reef and encuadronar or encuadronear or something similar means to make something into a booklet.
8. I thought about making a booklet on coral reef but instead settled for writing a blog.
9. Don't ask me that tomorrow though.
10. I had some really niced baked pasta for lunch only slightly preceded by a wicked chocolate donut.
11. I am still on a bit of a high from finishing this incredible book over the weekend.
12. My voice is still completely shot from nothing in particular. People look at me funny when I talk, but I am thinking of staying like this.
13. In case you have forgot, I am listing why today was not a blue Monday.
14. Baseball season starts in the forseeable future.
15. My english lessons went well.
16. The White Sox are reigning World Champions!
17. I finished a run of four consecutive bad hair days and managed something halfway presentable today.

There are more reasons but I fear I am boring you.

Reasons why it maybe should have been a blue Monday.

1. I have a small cluster of three zits just a bit south and to the right of my mouth. That is if you are me. If you aren't it appears as if they are a bit south and to the left.
2. They have now been there for a couple of days and don't seem to be in a hurry to leave.
3. Barcalona (my Spanish footie team) has lost three straight.
4. Real Madrid fans think this is funny and like to point it out.
5. I had several thoughts about my blog dying because of me not writing enough.
6. The blame rested solely on me and that was heavy.

So I decided to grab the bull by the horns and fix the last couple. So here I am writing.

I can't think of a way to end this other than to say that people need to read CS Lewis and Frederick Buechner, and I am just grateful that it was good Monday.

Missing...

I wrote something about a week ago about smoking in Spain and now it's gone and I don't know where it went. If you stole it, please return it. If you know where it is, please let me know. If you have a copy of it, would you send it to me?

Why someone would have a copy of it, I don't know. Why someone would steal it, I don't know. Why someone would know where it went, I don't know. And why it would disappear in the first place, I don't know.

It's disturbing. I could try to rewrite it, but I don't know if I could feel good about that. Trying to recreate something that was spontanious is never an easy task to undertake. So for now, I will just let everyone know that it is missing...

Residency Card

At last I can sit back and wait. As of yesterday I finally finished searching out, gathering, collecting, fetching, filling in and out, and completing ALL forms for my tarjeta de residencía.

Let me take you back through the process. It all started when I applied for a visa. See to live here, one needs a visa. So I collected my documents from the police, proved the health insurance, filled in and out several hundred pages of questiones about my mother's birth and why my father has a moustache, had some passport-sized photos taken, got some legal documents from Spain, wrote an essay on illegal immigration from Morrocco and why we should be using alternative fuel sources, and last but not least took a breathalizer. I think there were a few more hoops to jump through but I can't remember them. Once I placed all of these documents and results in a neat folder I boarded a train and went to Chicago where I handed them in between the hours of 9 am and 2 pm. Not before, not after. "You should recieve your visa in 4 to 6 weeks sir I was told..."

Six weeks later this statement was questioned and a phone call was made. "Oh I am sorry, you are mistaken. The type of visa you applied for takes somewhere around 3 to 4 months. It's the student visas that take 4-6 weeks..."

So I went to Spain and decided I'd just come back whenever it showed up. Well around Thanksgiving it rolled on into town. Chicago that is, and if I could come between the hours of 9 am and 2 pm I could pick it up. A bit of fog in Madrid, an overnight stay in London, a late arrival in Chicago all added up to me showing up there at 3 pm on Friday. "If you could come on Monday sir, between 9 am and 2 pm we would be happy to give it to you."

Three hours there. Three hours back. A headache from listening to too much music. And an official looking visa was finally stamped into my passport the following week...

With that I set off for Spain again. "Once you arrive, please go to the police where they will tell you how to start the process for your residency card..."

Now in Spain: "The first step is to go to the delegacion del gobierno, not the police. They won't know what to do with this. At the delegacion they can tell you what to do. "

Delegacion: "Why yes, we can help you, just fill out this paper, and make sure you have all the following documents. Then call this number and make an appointment."

Me: "Hello I'd like to make an appointment."
Delegacion: "What for?"
"I have a visa and I need to apply for a residency card."
"What sort of residency card?"
"The type where I am just allowed to reside, not work."
"I don't know what you are talking about."
"Look here, at the top of the paper which I was given at the delegacion it says application for residency card with a work exception."
"Why didn't you say that in the first place? You're appointment is January 24th at 12.30."
"You mean January 24th as in a the date that is nearly two months away?"
"Yes, have a nice day."

Two months later and with slightly more confident spanish I roll up for my appointment at 11.45. Better early than late. And am promptly ushered in where I recognize the lady who had given me my instructions two months prior.

Me: "Busy huh"
Her: "Yeah"
Thoughts of why I had to wait two months for my appointment, and then happen to show up find I am alone and they can see me early can't help but run through my head. Maybe people had forgotten about their appointments...

Her: "Oh! We seem to have all your information on the computer. We don't need these papers [that you spent hours collecting from various people and organizations here in Spain] just your passport will do. Sorry about that."
Me: "No problem." I just spent hours on them, no worries, it was good practice collecting various bits of worthless information. Something I have definately benefitted from. One can never be too skilled at collecting paperwork for the government. If you like I could run collect some more papers I have in Madrid and then drop by Hong Kong to get them photocopied if you like...

I was concentrating on remaining amiable when she then mentioned that all I had to do was go up to the fourth floor where they had everything ready for me. Ahhhhh that makes it easier to keep smiling...

Ana is very helpful on the fourth floor. She gave me my papers and told me to NOW go to the police where they will fingerprint me and get me my card. She then met with me three more times the following week or so...

Police: "Is this your correct address?"
Me: "Mmm, what happens if I say no?"

Ana helped me change my address two days later.

Police: "Do you have your letter of authorization?"
Me: "What letter of authorization?" No one thought this was important enough to mention.
Police: "I can't do anything without that letter, everyone needs one."
Me: "I don't suppose you could really and I suppose they do..."

Back at the delegacion I broached the subject with Ana.
Me: "Do you know anything about a letter of auth...?"
Ana: "Yes, would you like one?"
Me: "Yeah that'd be great since it's required." Thanks for telling me about it the first time.
Ana: "Just pop back in next Tuesday and we'll have it."

Next Tuesday I pop in and, small miracle, there is my letter!
Ana: "Here you go, but hang on a few days until the copy we send to the police gets there..."
Me: "I am tired of waiting, I am going to go anyways.¨

Small miracle occurs at police station...
Police: "Do you have your letter?¨
Me: "Yes."
Police: "Passport, authorization, and photos?"
Me: "Yes."
Police: "Okay, come back in 45 days and we should have your card ready, have a nice day."

In 44 days I should have a residency card... That is, if there isn't a list of documents that no one has mentioned yet in order to be able to collect your residency card. Never mind that it will have my photo on it. Forget about connecting the picture of my face with my real face. Not when thirteen forms of identification and a thorough family geneology are readily available to be demanded...

Sonnet on Sarcasm and Laughter

Contagious, infectious and likely to spread

into rushing flames. Be careful which you

choose, for the one you use could cause you to lose,

what was once something you held very dear.

But lest you worry about choices and friends

remember that fog creeps in silently

where familiar creeks run freely and trees turn

into tiny debris. But water spigots and lost friends

have as much in common as the absent father

and his daughter. So avoid radio flyer wagons

with small children in the back, for they often

lack those false things in life. And always be sure

to embrace a life that bridges the chasm

so oft created from not laughter but sarcasm.

Empty

Aye it's been a week. I must confess I felt empty this past week. There was nothing burning itself into being in my soul. I had no interesting thoughts to spell out, no major catastrophies, nor triumphs. Just another week of the the 52 this year. That is not meant to hint that I am depressed. Only that it was a normal week and I felt uninspired.

And I confess that still I feel empty. Empty in a meaningless sense, no, just empty of words to put in this space. There is something about being empty though that is at times refreshing- if one can avoid being frightened of the sensation of being empty. I think Buddihists try to empty their minds. Other people try to empty their bodies of all impurities. Still others try to empty their hearts. I don't want to say that this thing emptiness is either good or bad, only that when something is empty, it has, at that moment, its largest capacity to recieve.

To live one's whole life empty would be a tragedy. But maybe in one sense to live one's whole life full would be the same. I am just thinking out loud. Ecclesiastes 5 says that there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. Either he is saying there is a time for all to pass, or that all does pass, full stop. Whichever it is, perhaps includes both times of empty and of full.

It is not easy to become empty, but perhaps it is something I should be more aware of. Emptying myself of the unneccesary. Not carrying more than is needed in this life. Jesus talks about carrying each other's burdens. If I am supposed to help people in this way, than I definately don't want to be carrying more than I need to for myself.

Empty serves a purpose. It is preparation to be filled. Absence increases awareness. When you go without, you appreciate even more when you have. When I eat, food tastes best when there is hunger. When I think, I think best if my head is empty of all excess. When I worship God I long for my being to be empty of all noise that distracts. When I begin to love a girl, I hope it is with an empty heart, to be filled only by her love.

In the end I long for emptiness so that I can be filled again. I do not want to be empty forever. I do not want an empty stomach, mind, or heart. I want to think, to love, and to feel full. Even to the point of overflowing. Overflowing with God's love, with his peace, with his hope, and with his presense.

So that when I am full, I will have much to give out, and in doing so, be filled even more...

Poesía by my friend Yau

Silencio...

Silencio es el árbol viejo adormecido por el viento.
Silencio son las olas, en el oscuro mar; silencio...
Silencio es la boca, que se abre y grita: "silencio"
Silencio se deja escapar, por entre la maleza,
entre las ondas de un péndulo.
En un castillo de cartas... allí se esconde el silencio.
Silencio es la flor roja, solitaria en el cementerio.
Silencio son dos enamorados que con los ojos recitan versos.

Silencio...

Silencio que todo lo toca, que vibra al correr el viento;
silencio que la luna ahoga al pasar bailando en el cielo.

¡Silencio!

Silencio que se nos ha dado ajeno al propio cuerpo;
silencio, ven y toca mi alma, hazme beber de tu beso.
Silencio es una gota, que baja, rauda, del cielo.
Silencio son dos niños descubriendo algo nuevo.
Silencio es una guitarra, que no ha descubierto su dueño;
silencio son las hojas, de un almendro en invierno.

Silencio...

Silencio es un poema, que abocado a un ritmo lento,
desoye las dulces notas del más leve... silencio...

Two weeks ago I had a toothache.

I have a friend here named Karlo. Like Carlos without the s at the end. He is a dentist from Peru. I went to see him today.

He sat me down in the chair, opened my mouth and started looking, poking and prodding. All the while he made noises. "mmm" "huh" "hmmmm" "hmph" "umm" NONE of which were the least bit encouraging.

If I am paranoid about one thing, its my teeth. Some people worry about their weight. Others about their hair falling out. Still others about the people watching them behind tinted windows in unmarked cars. Like I said, I worry worry about my teeth. They always seem to be loose. Can anyone else wiggle their teeth back and forth? I chipped a front one the other week- WITHOUT even biting the pen. All I was doing was holding it with my lips. It took me two weeks to believe that the rest of it wasn't going to spontaniously fall to pieces. A front tooth at that. Who would marry someone without a front tooth? Then there was this aforementioned toothache. For two days I thought I was going to have to pull it myself. Then all of sudden all the pain left. So I talked to my good friend Karlo, who told me to drop by his clinic, and then starting grunting these really soothing noises. So I naturally assumed he was about to fit me for dentures.

"Oh no," I sighed once he withdrew his mirror. (That means "oh no" in English) "¿Que pasa?" (That means something like "what?")
"Oh nothing, everything looks fine," he replied. Not exactly what I was expecting, and relief started to spread through tensed muscles. Then he commenced to say that there was nothing to worry about, as long as I took perfect care of my teeth and I never ate anything hard again because there is a large hairline fracture (if its possible to have a large hairline fracture) running sideways across my front tooth. "It should be fine as long as you are careful, if not, well the bottom half of your front tooth could break off."

At this point I am down to only 2 and a half of my four front teeth. I still might have a bright future, just not such a bright smile. Shame really, I was hoping to at least keep my teeth longer than my hair. I'll stop that thought there though, in case I should get what I wish for.

Karlo finished up the visit telling me that everything is fine, nothing to worry about. Just be sure to put all solid food through a blender from now on if you want to keep that front tooth. As for the ex-toothache, well you have a filling that is pretty close to the nerve... Actually it's a humongous filling, I wonder why they even decided to keep the tooth. Anyways, don't worry about it hurting again in the future. But if it should happen to hurt, it shouldn't last ages.

So all was well after all on the tooth front. And I breathed a contented sigh of relief after I had chomped down on some nice supper earlier tonight. Stretched out on the couch I ran my tongue along the bottom of my other front tooth to find it a bit rough. Within ten seconds I was at a mirror, and sure enough, the third of my four front teeth now has a slight chip. At this point I was labeled paranoid by all involved, but I know deep inside that it's only a matter of time now. Maybe for my last meal I'll have a nice big steak with some hard broiled candy for dessert. After that I'll have a picture taken to remember my teeth by, and by then it will probably be time to leave for the denture fitting down at Karlo's clinic...

Coffee and cigarettes

can often be seen walking down the street, hand in hand. Or sitting in a cafe or a park bench, side by side. Rarely are they separated. Until 1 January 2006 when a new law came into effect, banning smoking in all public places. Including workplaces, restuarantes, shopping centers, cinemas, and even bars (over 100 sq meters). Spaniards responded in typical fashion- with withdrawal symptoms- unsteady hands, panic attacks, and general grumpiness. In the forecast: slight drop in tobacco sales, slight increase in chewing gum production, and a large number of stressed workers walking out on their job just to light up.

This means that for the first time in recent history, the smell of coffee and second hand smoke have been separated. As a non-habitual lighter, I must confess I'm not sorry.

Although I do wonder, whether or not I may have to change my subtitle, as the amount of second hand smoke dwindles around my brew of coffee.

lunes azules

Mondays can be awful. Today was Monday and it was awful. It was by far the most depressing day of the last month and for no other reason than the fact it was a Monday.

It was sunny today, so sunny in fact, that I went for a walk, and stopped periodically just to feel the sun on my face. Before it was sunny, there was a lot of fog. I like fog almost as much as thunderstorms. And thunderstorms are nearly as good as sunny days. And I really like sunny days. I had some Galaxy chocolate. Galaxy chocolate is some of the best chocolate there is. Cadbury lovers disagree, but they don't know anything about chocolate, even though they think they do. I listen to my new Spanish group (oreja de van gogh) on my iPod. I finished one of the four (admittedly) books I had been reading. Life should not have been blue, but it was.

I come up with no other reason other than the fact it was a Monday. Tomorrow's Tuesday, if it rains I'll ponder the question- why rainy Tuesdays are better than sunny Mondays.

My mum took this one of the small man. He stopped walking so he could be in the picture.