Empty

Aye it's been a week. I must confess I felt empty this past week. There was nothing burning itself into being in my soul. I had no interesting thoughts to spell out, no major catastrophies, nor triumphs. Just another week of the the 52 this year. That is not meant to hint that I am depressed. Only that it was a normal week and I felt uninspired.

And I confess that still I feel empty. Empty in a meaningless sense, no, just empty of words to put in this space. There is something about being empty though that is at times refreshing- if one can avoid being frightened of the sensation of being empty. I think Buddihists try to empty their minds. Other people try to empty their bodies of all impurities. Still others try to empty their hearts. I don't want to say that this thing emptiness is either good or bad, only that when something is empty, it has, at that moment, its largest capacity to recieve.

To live one's whole life empty would be a tragedy. But maybe in one sense to live one's whole life full would be the same. I am just thinking out loud. Ecclesiastes 5 says that there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. Either he is saying there is a time for all to pass, or that all does pass, full stop. Whichever it is, perhaps includes both times of empty and of full.

It is not easy to become empty, but perhaps it is something I should be more aware of. Emptying myself of the unneccesary. Not carrying more than is needed in this life. Jesus talks about carrying each other's burdens. If I am supposed to help people in this way, than I definately don't want to be carrying more than I need to for myself.

Empty serves a purpose. It is preparation to be filled. Absence increases awareness. When you go without, you appreciate even more when you have. When I eat, food tastes best when there is hunger. When I think, I think best if my head is empty of all excess. When I worship God I long for my being to be empty of all noise that distracts. When I begin to love a girl, I hope it is with an empty heart, to be filled only by her love.

In the end I long for emptiness so that I can be filled again. I do not want to be empty forever. I do not want an empty stomach, mind, or heart. I want to think, to love, and to feel full. Even to the point of overflowing. Overflowing with God's love, with his peace, with his hope, and with his presense.

So that when I am full, I will have much to give out, and in doing so, be filled even more...