the schmoot

well the other day, Daniel bit the hand that feeds him. yes, he bit it literally and figuratively. it only took the few teeth that he's got and a naughty streak the length of his little body.

Daniel is 20 months old and already burning bridges. shamefully really. you see, the hand he bit was mine! the hand that feeds him was mine!!

i have given to the little man. i have given and i have given until there was little left to give. and then i gave some more. i feed his greedy little mouth. i wipe his nose when it snots. i give him his milk when he's ready for bed. i put him in his bath. i get his toys out for him. i put his toys away for him. i carry him. i push him. i hold him upside down and tickle him till tears run down his chubby little face. i get him out of trouble. i save him from his sometimes bossy older sister. i rock him when he's crying. i pull him out of the toilet when he manages to get the lid open. i buy him gifts. i give him food off my own plate, even when he's already stuffed his own two helpings down his throat. i take him to the park. i put videos on for him. i give him juice when he's thirsty. I GIVE THE LITTLE MAN MORE THAN HE COULD EVER NEED!

and what does he go and do? he bites the hand that feeds him.

in both the literal and figurative sense.

what are we to do with the scoundrel?

see it happened that he was left alone for the briefest of moments. and not a moment more. when supervision left he was sitting on his little butt in the lounge playing with his little truck, mouth wide open. not but the smallest of time frames later, when supervision returned, he was found, still on the floor, but this time with cds, taken out of their cases and spread everywhere. under his schmoot (where left hand would be) was one of the cds, BEING PUSHED across the tile floor, sensitive side down! not only that, but the little guy had his mouth WIDE OPEN and a grin stuck on his cheeky face. RASCAL! in open defiance he continued to push cd across the room, thoroughly enjoying the scratching sound that came from below. it was not even below him to emit several squeals of delight at this new sick game he had discovered!

i could continue to describe the situation but you should have the picture.

what is more, and not but half an hour later, my hand was literally feeding that same open mouth, when he decided to bite it! not once, but twice! so, the small man in the end, bit the hand that feeds him three times. once figuratively, and twice literally.

i shall leave you to be the judge. does the squirt deserve to still be fed from that same hand?

(rumors are circling that the two literal bites that took place after the figurative bite were actually actually forced into happening by the writer in order to expound on his own story. daniel claims his innocence, but no proof has been found as of the moment.)