more thoughts on coffee

i have realized that i perhaps obsess over the idea of coffee more than the stuff itself. i think i have coffee idealized. i idealize everything surrounding coffee and perhaps it is a comfort thing.

if i do not have a coffee in the morning i will mention that very fact in every conversation that i have throughout the day. is that healthy?

i could live without coffee.

but i don't want to, because it's to me what the blanket is to Linus. it's a crutch. when i feel uncomfortable, when i don't know what to say, when i want to be liked, when i want to fit it, when i want to be cool, when i want to be accepted, when i want to fill the empty spaces, i mention coffee... without the association of coffee with my person, and i must ask this question, what would happen to it all? it would all go down. i would be uninteresting, not hip, unaccepted, and generally be surrounded by empty spaces.

so if that is what it is, would i be better off without it? and i'm talking about so much more than caffeine dependence.

loosen the grip and let go. the fall is freeing!