2008

best film i saw in 2008.
el laberinto del fauno (in english i think its called the fawn's labyrinth) an amazing film mixing realism and sub-realism to portray what was happening after the civil war. a must before seeing it is having a quick read-up on the history.

best book i read in 2008.
difficult.
the Shaping of Things to Come. have identified with it and has probably shaped my thinking as much as cs Lewis' The great Divorce.
the kite Runner and Moon Palace were win the prize for novels.

best author discovered.
Paul Auster, easy. not everyone will like him but I love his ability to create characters that resonate. have yet to read him in English though and he's from NY. hmm.

best new food.
peruvian food. have tried countless foods made straight from the peruvian hands of the mother of a couple of my good friends here. mark it up, every Wednesday night, 10.15, a new way to prepare chicken and rice that makes it simply unbelievable.

best new drink.
have to go with tea. this year i have discovered teterías which are these Moroccan type tea houses. i guess straight green tea would have to win.

most impacting experience.
having my eyes zapped with a laser certainly was impacting. and considering it should affect me for the rest of my life it is the winner.

best new gadget.
my apple. most definately mac for life now.

funnest experience shared with around 45 million other people.
spain winning the european cup this past summer. it was crazy fun. in America we don't have anything that compares to it. michael phelps falls short.

best new music discovered.
stuff out of IHOP or similar sounds. like Merchant Band. Brian and Jenn Johnson. love this sound that isn't so mainstream.

most devastating experience.
realizing that my hair isn't as thick as it once was on the top of my head. and it really threw me for a loop. but no worries, i've got special shampoo for it now.

biggest accomplishment.
well i will know in february but it would be passing the DELE exam that I did in November. i suppose if i don't pass i could just class it as my biggest failure. haha

biggest change.
well a huge change has been my vision, but i already mentioned that one.
the decision to finish my degree. it meant a change in my thinking and will provoke one of the biggest changes in the last 4 years of my life.

dream birthed in 2008.
get a degree in writing and spanish. never really had the same desire before.

dream that died in 2008.
oof. going to morocco (okay to be honest it was birthed in november and died in december- not the end of the world, maybe 2009?) didn't know what else to put here.

biggest realization.
that i am getting older each day and that its possible to watch life float by and never do anything about it and one day get caught looking back and realize that time has gone.



that's all for now. maybe later I'll write some more 2008 stuff.

merry christmas and 300th post and a few other things.

its the 25th of december and christmas is here. so happy christmas. it deserves a mention.

its the end of 2008 and this is the 300th post. i suppose that deserves a mention too.

i just had my visa renewal request denied. i should mention that. what happens next i don't know. i can now better identify with illigal immigrants. (or will be able to shortly.)

my eyes are dry from the laser surgery. im going through single use artificial tears like a baby goes through milk. if i put more than a couple of drops in each eye they spill out and it looks like im crying like a baby as well.

the redness is my right eye seen in the photo below has gone down a little bit. but not much.

im not going to morocco. see line on visa above. bit disappointed but the thought of spending a little while in a Moroccan holding cell while not being allowed back into Spain was tempting but not tempting enough. another day.

who knows, maybe ill get to spend some time in a spanish holding cell before they ship me back. a few points to point out here. point number 1: it would be a new experience and make for a great story. point number 2: i hear they pay for your flight back if they export you. point number 3: i think they stick it on your record and consider it when deciding whether to let you back in later.

i think i'll try to avoid the whole holding cell/record thingee.

on another note- anyone ever read Paul Auster? definately the author discovery of 2008. maybe i will make a 2008 list...!

post op.

my eye.



my eyes.



my eye.



eye patches at night.



sunglasses to protect my sensitive eyes from the blinding sun! first pair I have really ever owned that weren't plastic.

laser surgery

Two days ago I was subjected to the laser. What follows is what went down.

It all started back in October with thoughts running through my head. Though really the thoughts had been running through my head for a number of years. Pretty much as soon as I heard about this phenom of a laser that could make glasses and contacts go away the running began. Since I was eight years old I pretty much have had awful vision and fat glasses. Maybe it was the carrots that I stuck in my glass of milk to avoid eating (though at some point I learned to like those orange sticks and have been making up for it ever since). Considering my dad's vision I'll just have to assume that it was hereditary and not a shortage of carrots.

Contacts are okay and glasses aren't the end of the world but the thought of not having dry eyes every night and waking up and having to reach for a pair of specs was just too tempting. So it was down to the clinic with me. It had been a couple of years since my eyes had changed and at 26 years old, the time seemed right.

Early November I marched down the to clinic recommended by my eye doctor friend whose wife had her eyes done there a few years previously. The march took about 8 minutes and I was walking through the door and 10 minutes later had a brochure and an appointment for a week later to have my cornea measured. And so it was the following week, an 8 minute march and I was ushered into the doctors office where she checked me out, deemed me worthy, explained the process, told me the price and finally we settled on December 10th for the intervention.

A month went by with no contacts. It was weird taking them out knowing that it could be the last time I ever wore them. They had been good to me but I wouldn't miss them.

It dragged on a bit but the month finally came and went and December 10th arrived. I was psyched. Completely and utterly mentally prepared for the big step in my life until 1.45 rolled around and I got a phone call saying that the surgery would have to be postponed for the following week due to complications in the computer. I was annoyed since I had been looking forward to it for so long, and would have to wait another week, but later got to thinking that at least the complications hadn't arisen with my left eye only half done.

Another week went by and the 17th rolled around. Slow as it might seem, everyday eventually arrives. It was a good exercise in patience. One that a few hours later I would wished had been drawn out even longer.

6 pm Wednesday the 17th of December 2008.
I enter the clinic with my (new) sunglasses, a huge wad of cash (in Spain people pay things in absurd amounts of cash, this was nothing), a few papers, one nerve or two and the thought that this was my last moment with glasses. And peace descended until I saw a guy walking out of the clinic with his sunglasses on, tearing running down his face, and clearly in serious pain trying not to touch his eyes.

6.15 I have got a hair net on, one of those hospital gowns, and covers on my shoes. Everything is a blur since I don't have my glasses on. I have just been given a Valium pill to make sure I'm relaxed and I find in a small room with about 8 other people listening to a mixture of Spanish and Portuguese (a lot of people come over from Portugal to be operated on in this clinic). In all there are 6 of us who are going under the laser. Blurry doctors are putting anesthetic drops in our eyes along with some yellow substance that me see everything in yellow. Reminds me of iodine. For some reason it stings my left eye like crazy while the right one is fine. Tears pour out of the left eye and my nose starts to run. There would be more to come. The guy immediately to my left seems to be fine while the two people down another guy seems to be in the same position as I am. I didn't understand much of his Portuguese though.

6.20 It all happened before I had time to assimilate it. Doctor Pilar announces that I will be the first and I am led into a dark, cold, blurry room. Here it goes. They lay me down on a table, ask if I am comfortable and the laser moves into position over my head. From this point on I am not sure of everything that happens recounting what I can... My right eye is taped shut and a metal ring is placed on my eye and opened to prevent me from blinking. My eye by this time is completely numb but I can feel pressure. A round object is placed on my eye and pressed down quite strongly until I lose my vision. I can still make out bright lights but that is it. It has to have been one of the strangest sensations I have felt in my life. Not nice but not horrible either. Just strange. In that state, being very careful not to move my eye, the first laser cut open a flap on my cornea. Then my cornea was measured and the doctor announced that there was in fact enough to fully fix my vision. Excellent news. The laser switched positions and hovering over my right eye with the left taped shut, opened a flap. And the first step was complete.

6.24 I am led across the room to another laser, laid down, and it takes it's position above my left eye. The metal ring holds my eyelid open. I am told that this is now the important step and NOT to move my eye. Everything goes black except for the red laser burning into my eye. I feel nothing but can smell burning. I am told this is normal. After 30 seconds Pilar tells me that the left eye is done. At this point I am still without pain but do feel slightly dazed and confused. The combination of lasers and Valium dim my awareness. She moves on to do my right eye but has to stop the laser once as my eye wonders off the right. Not a good thing but no harm down as she shuts the laser off. I concentrate as hard as I can but feel like I have no control. Everything is a bit dim. The second time around she completes the process and it is finished! They help me up and ask if I feel nauseous, I say no but the world is a blur, a dark blur. At 6.27 the I had new eyes.

6.29 I am led to a waiting room. I have my sunglasses on and am told to wait for a while till the doctor comes and checks my eye.

6.33 The anesthetic wears off and perhaps 4 of the painful hours of my life commence.

6.34 I am in a dark, painful world where I cannot see and cannot open my eyes. Everything is a blur. I want to rub my eyes but I cannot. It will be three months before I can rub my eyes again. That could lead to the tearing off of the flap. Not good. I am told to try and open my eyes as much as possible. Even though it is agony doing so. The light is blinding even with sunglasses on and I am unable to focus. Nevermind the burning sensation in my eyes.

7.30 The doctor checks my eyes and puts in some drops. Everything looks good, but I can't concentrate on anything except the pain. You've got about 3 or 4 more hours and then it will be fine she tells me. I leave the clinic at about 8 o'clock, led blindly by some friends. Until 12 o'clock midnight I am not allowed to go to sleep. Drops are to be put in every hour and I must try to keep my eyes open, trying to focus as much as possible.

I cannot explain the pain but just to say I never want to go through it again (don't let this put you off having laser surgery though, the next day it's all worth it). Every eye is different, plus there are different techniques. Everyone reacts differently. The important thing is the end result and that is the ability to see well. In that case, mission accomplished and I don't regret anything.

12.00 Midnight I slap my eye covers on and fall into blissful sleep. The previous hours were awful but as soon as I was asleep it all went away. I wake up 9 hours later a new man. I can see perfectly and have no pain. Amazing! I have a checkup at 10 and the doctor announces that I can see 100 percent which is extremely rare the following day. I smile and walk home seeing for the very first time!

Since then several days have gone by. Blurriness comes and goes but that is normal. My eyes are red and I wear my sunglasses outside. But there is no discomfort and occasionally I reach for my glasses or think about taking my contacts out before going to bed.... Not anymore, I am a free man!

pray for Zimbabwe

article from http://www.24-7prayer.com/ by Andy Freeman

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Pray For Zimbabwe: A Nation in Crisis by Andy Freeman
RSS Feed
December 11th, 2008

“We are all terrified at what they are going to destroy next........I mean they are actually ploughing down brick and mortar houses and one family with twin boys of 10 had no chance of salvaging anything when 100 riot police came in with AK47's and bulldozers and demolished their beautiful house - 5 bedrooms and pine ceilings - because it was 'too close to the airport', so we are feeling extremely insecure right now.”

This is just one of the many impassioned and desperate pleas for help from a resident in what must be the most broken nation on earth right now ... Zimbabwe.

In the early 80’s, Rhodesia came out from the shadow of the oppresive rule of Ian Smith, and gained a new identity and hope as a the newly independent nation of Zimbabwe. It’s history had been bleak, and British colonial rule had at times been appalling. But then, all was hope. At it’s head was Robert Mugabe, a man championed in much of Africa as a freedom fighter.

Zimbabwe now has moved from early prosperity and optimism to a slow and painful economic and political death. Hyper-inflation means that millions of Zimbabwe $ are needed just to buy bread - and that’s if you can find any bread as most stores are empty. Only 20% of the country’s population have a job.

An uneasy coalition between Mugabe and his opposition rival Morgan Tswangari, holds together, but only just - and somehow, despite apparently losing a presidential election ... Mugabe remains in power.

Months ago Mugabe famously declared that only God could remove him from power. For many, that has now become their prayer.

In 2007, Nelson Mandela appointed ‘the Elders’ - a group responsible for humanitarian work across Africa. The team of Kofi Annan (former UN security general), Jimmy Carter (former US president) and Graca Machel (African justice campaigner and wife of Nelson Mandela) had hoped to help in Zimbabwe’s crisis, but now been barred from the country, with Mugabe himself refusing them a visa last month. Their’s and everybody’s patience seems to have worn out.

‘There is bitter disappointment in the current leadership. This government has not demonstrated the ability to lead the country out of its current crisis’
(Kofi Annan)

And now, as if Zimbabwe had not suffered enough, the country is in the grip of a cholera crisis. The World Heath Organisation estimated 14,000 have the disease with hundreds already dead. According to Medicine Sans Frontiers most clean water and sanitation systems are compromised, leading to the spread of infection. Even hospitals, such as Harare Central Hospital lay empty and without resources to help.

‘The sick lose all hope of finding treatment the moment they step into the lifeless hospital reception” (BBC website).

So what can we do ? I want to ask you to pray, in your prayer weeks, in your churches or on your own. Lets all own the task of seeking God and asking for his deliverance of Zimbabwe and it’s people. How can we pray? Here’s four suggestions:

1. That we recognise what’s going on and repent of the part we play. Lets recognise and say sorry for our apathy. Lets repent on behalf of our governments where they haven’t acted. If we’re British lets start by saying sorry on behalf of our nation for the legacy of hurt and injustice we sowed into the old Rhodesia for many years.
2. Lets pray for Robert Mugabe, for a renewing of his mind and a change of his heart. He is in a dark place. Lets bring his plea before God, that only God could bring about new leadership. Lets pray for the miracle of change in Zimbabwe.
3. Lets pray for aid organisations, bringing food and medicine into the country. That their work wouldn’t be interfered with, that it might increase and that people can get food and medicine that they need.
4. Lets pray for the people of Zimbabwe, for their protection, for their deliverance from oppression, for their families and loved ones. Pray for the church in Zimbabwe that it might know how to take a stand and how to be Christ amongst all this appalling hardship.

I’ll leave the last word to the writer of the email I received:

“You know - I am aware that this does not help you sleep at night, but if you do not know - how can you help? Even if you put us in your own mental ring of light and send your guardian angels to be with us - that is a help -but I feel so cut off from you all knowing I cannot tell you what's going on here simply because you will feel uncomfortable. There is no ways we can leave here so that is not an option. I ask that you all pray for us in the way that you know how. “

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libertad - bonhoeffer

Estaciones en el camino hacia la libertad

Disciplina

Si sales en busca de la libertad, aprende ante todo
la disciplina de tus sentidos y de tu alma, para que tus deseos
y tus miembros no te arrastre ya aquí ya allá.
Castos sean tu mente y tu cuerpo, a ti sumisos en todo
y obedientes, para ir en busca de la meta propuesta.
Nadie sondea el misterio de la libertad, a no ser por la disciplina.

Acción

No hay que hacer y osar lo arbitrario, sino lo justo
no hay que flotar en lo posible, sino emprender con valor lo real
pues la libertad no está en los pensamientos, sino en la acción.
Sal de la vacilación angustiosa y enfréntate con la tempestad de los
acontecimientos,
llevado tan sólo por la ley de Dios y por tu fe,
y la libertad acogerá con júbilo tu espíritu.

Sufrimiento

¡Maravillosa transformación! Tus manos fuertes, activas,
Atadas están. Impotente, abandonado, ves el fin
de tus actos. Mas tomas aliento y, tranquilo y confiado,
entregas lo justo a manos más fuertes y quedas aliviado.
Sólo un instante rozaste feliz la libertad,
Luego la entregaste a Dios, para que Él la perfeccione
maravillosamente.

Muerte

Ven ya, fiesta suprema en el camino hacia la eterna libertad
muerte, abate las molestas cadenas y murallas
de nuestro cuerpo mortal y de nuestra cegada alma,
para que por fin podamos contemplar lo que aquí nos está vedado.
Libertad: te hemos buscado largo tiempo en la disciplina, la acción y
el sufrimiento.
Moribundos ya, te reconocemos en la faz de Dios.


Dietrich Bonhoeffer